


Shepard was gone

by nekoswords



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-17
Updated: 2015-02-17
Packaged: 2018-03-13 10:16:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3377768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nekoswords/pseuds/nekoswords
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events in ME3, Garrus tries to move on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shepard was gone

**Author's Note:**

> First work ever!

Shepard was gone.  
  
The Reapers had been utterly destroyed by the Crucible.   That and whatever Shepard had done on the Citadel before that massive blast of energy.  The Normandy had been grounded for a few days until they got essential systems online, but they’d limped home and repaired her and she was spaceworthy again.  
  
And Shepard was gone.  
  
Massive rebuilding projects had started on dozens of worlds hit by the Reapers.  People from unaffected planets sent supplies and personnel to their nearest affected neighbors, regardless of species.  Repairs to the Citadel were underway, as the galaxy pulled together in “an unprecedented display of unity.”    
  
And Shepard was still gone.  
  
They’d given him the Normandy.  There had been a lot of speeches about “interspecies cooperation” and the crew “proving themselves capable of handling any mission” but the truth was that the crew had threatened to mutiny if they didn’t stay together.  Kaidan’s status as a Spectre had given them the veneer of legitimacy they needed to be an Alliance ship, but not under the Alliance command structure.  He’d also flatly refused to take command.  It’s what Shepard would want, he’d said.  I’m not a leader.  Not like you.  Not like her.  
  
So he’d officially taken possession of the captain’s cabin and tried not to think too hard about the personal items she’d left, which had been packed away.  Until you’re ready, Liara had said.  And at night, he’d listen to the ship hum and the mantra of Shepard is gone Shepard is gone Shepard is gone ShepardisgoneShepardisgoneShepardisgone until he couldn’t stand it anymore and went down to the main battery to recalibrate the weapons.  Again.  Not that they ever needed it.  And sometimes he made it back to her-his cabin to sleep for a few hours, and sometimes he didn’t.  And he’d wake up on the pallet he’d put there so long ago and for a moment pretend that she’d be coming in any minute, making her rounds, share a joke, flirt a bit, then kiss him and go so she could check on the rest of them.  
  
He tried to bury himself in work.  There was plenty of that.  
  
  
It had been months since the end of the war.  Finally, normal sentient greed had overtaken those few souls who were willing to sell out their fellow sentient beings for a few credits.  Reports of slavers, drug running, and piracy had drawn the Normandy through half a dozen systems in the Terminus before they’d run down the Blood Pack splinter group that had been raiding in the area.  The ship had taken a few nasty hits while wiping out the three pirate vessels, and Garrus had led a squad through the swampy mess of a planet they’d been based out of, which had ended with a few broken bones and a couple of nasty infections from the muck surrounding the camp.  With the Normandy needing repairs and the med bay needing a restock, he’d made the decision to spend a few days on the Citadel for some much needed R&R.  
  
It had only taken half a day of him prowling restlessly through the ship for Liara to insist on dragging him out for some shore leave himself.  
  
“This is a nice place,” Tali commented, looking around.  “I don’t recognize it from before.  It’s new?”  
  
“I believe it’s actually an Asari-Quarian venture,” Liara replied.  “Trying to cater to all species.  I hear they’re wanting to put in clean rooms eventually, so Quarians can come in without their suits.”  
  
“That explains the menu,” Garrus said. “I’ve always been curious about Quarian cuisine.  Since it’s the only foreign food I can eat without, you know, dying.”  
  
Tali giggled.  “Don’t get your hopes up.  Maybe now that we’re rebuilding on Rannoch, we can actually develop ‘cuisine.’  Most Quarians are too worried about contamination to even consider experimenting with food.”  
  
“Speaking of rebuilding, how is that going?” Liara asked.  “I’d have thought you’d have been recalled by now, hasn’t the Admiralty board needed you?”  
  
As Tali started to answer, Garrus found his gaze drawn upward.  He could just make out the highest point on the Presidium from here.  It had been just up there….  
  
                *****************************  
“What do you say, Shepard?  Ready to be a one-turian kind of woman?”     He’d asked her teasingly, trying to hide how nervous he actually was.  Ever since their fling during the Collector mission, he hadn’t been able to keep her off his mind.  It wasn’t a human-fetish thing.  It was just a Shepard thing.  On the first Normandy, she’d won his admiration and respect, but it wasn’t until she’d boldly propositioned him that he even started thinking of her….that way.  
  
But then “sure, why not?” had turned into “hell, yes!” followed by some pretty mind-blowing sex.  If she hadn’t also been his best – really his only – friend, that would have been that.    
  
But this was Shepard.  There would never be anyone else, not now.    
  
                *****************************  
“Garrus?” Liara’s voice penetrated his reverie.  
  
“Hmm?” He refocused, realizing both women were looking at him with sympathy.  
  
“We were asking how things are on Palavan, but it’s obvious that you’re lightyears away,” Liara said gently.    
  
“I’m sorry, Tali, Liara-” He apologized.  Liara cut him off.  
  
“This isn’t the first time you’ve been abstracted like this,” she said.  “Are you….no, of course you’re not all right.  Are….how are you?”  
  
About to lie, he caught the genuine concern on her face and changed his mind.  “I’m…coping.  Day to day.  Work helps.”  He sighed.  “Truth be told, I don’t know if I want it to stop hurting.”  
  
“Because that would mean you’d forgotten her,” Tali murmured.  He just nodded.  She reached out to cover his hand with hers.  “We miss her too, Garrus.”  Liara reached out and took his other hand.  They all sat quietly for a moment, then Garrus gently pulled away.  
  
“Look, I’m terrible company right now.  I’m going to go back to the Normandy, and stop inflicting my bad mood on you.”  He cut off their protests.  “I don’t want to ruin your day.  Enjoy yourselves.  As a favor to me.”  The women exchanged glances that didn’t bode well; Garrus resigned himself to the knowledge that they would each find excuses to “drop by” several times in the next week.  But they let him walk away without protesting any further.  
  
The trip back to the Normandy was over almost too quickly; lost in his own thoughts, Garrus had barely noticed his surroundings.  Mercifully, both the airlock and the CIC were empty.  He didn’t think he could face anyone else right now.  
  
At the captain’s cabin, he stopped and stared at the door for a moment, steeling himself.  The prospect of entering that empty cabin was nearly as daunting as the idea of running into any of the crew.  How he could want company and solitude at the same time was a tangle he didn’t want to examine too closely.  Ever.  Maybe one of these days I’ll take Liara up on her offer to talk about it.  Right.  Because that’s absolutely something I would do.  
  
Spirits, I miss you, Shepard.  
  
Sighing quietly, he triggered the door and stepped through.  And froze.  
  
Shepard held out a wine bottle, then set it on a table..  “I got the good stuff.  Turns out I had some back pay due.”  She was smiling impishly, her eyes dancing.  Her cheeks were thinner, she looked like she’d lost a lot of muscle mass, and there were shadows under her eyes that spoke of weakness and exhaustion.  
  
She looked beautiful.  
  
“Sh-“ Garrus tried to speak, found his throat too dry, swallowed hard.  She cocked her head and waited, hands on her hips.  “Shepard?” he managed to whisper.  “Is it really you?”  
  
Her smile softened.  “It’s really me, Garrus,” she replied quietly.  “I’m really here.”  Anything else she might have wanted to say was lost when he strode forward and swept her into his arms, his mouth coming down hard on hers.  
  
Her arms snaked around his neck as she kissed back fiercely.  His own arms tightened, lifting her off her feet; her legs wrapped around his waist.  He staggered and only just got them to a chair before they hit the floor.  The rest of the galaxy fell away as he lost himself in the feel of her, the smell of her, the taste of her mouth.  
  
It wasn’t until the need for oxygen overrode the need to be kissing her that he pulled back.  They gazed at each other for a long moment, breathing heavily.    
  
Finally Garrus caught his breath enough to ask the only question that mattered.  “How?”  
  
“Sheer dumb luck, to be honest.  Seems that the beam the Reapers were using to transport people up to the Citadel reversed itself when I set off the Crucible.  I’ve been in a hospital on Earth; apparently rescue workers found me in the rubble.”  
  
“Why didn’t you come back?  Send a message, let us know you were alive?  You couldn’t contact us, or anyone for that matter?  Didn’t you-” want to? He didn’t let himself say it out loud.  
  
“Garrus, no!” Shepard protested.  “No, it wasn’t like that, I promise.  I missed you so much, there were some days I could barely breathe.”  
  
“Then, why?”  Shepard, love of my life, why did you leave me alone for so long?  
  
She sighed heavily and leaned her forehead against his, closing her eyes.  “What I was able to piece together was this.  When they first found me, communications were disrupted across the entire galaxy.  No one had any idea what was going on.  By the time I woke up, I’d been stashed away in a hospital somewhere, as a Jane Doe.  I’d been unconscious for weeks, and before anyone could i.d. me, I just sort of slipped through the cracks.  I was still getting treatment, but everyone assumed that someone else was tracking down my i.d.  
  
“Even after I woke up, it was a while before I got my bearings, before I knew I needed to be identified.  By then, of course, I knew the official story.  Commander Shepard, the first human Spectre, heroically sacrificing herself to set off the Crucible and destroy the Reapers.  So I asked the nurse assigned to my room to help me keep it quiet.”  
  
That, he hadn’t expected.  “What?  Why?”  She’d wanted to stay “dead?”  
  
“Just until I got offworld,”  she assured him hastily.  “I really do plan on telling, well, everyone that I’m alive.  It’s just….I knew that once people found out, there would be all kinds of medals, and speeches, and parades and…..”  She sighed again, holding on to him a little harder.  “I wanted to go home,” she said plaintively.  “Home to the Normandy.  Home to you.” Now she pulled back to look at him, her eyes glistening slightly with tears.  “Don’t I deserve that?  Didn’t I do enough?  Can’t I just come home for a little while before I have to be a hero again?”  
  
“Shepard, sweetheart…” he said helplessly, before pulling her into another kiss.  When she pulled back, most of the desperation had faded from her eyes and she seemed calmer.  “So, what now?  No matter what, once it gets out that you’re back, there’s still going to be all of those medals, and speeches, and parades,” he finished teasingly, and was rewarded by a chuckle.  
  
“I can handle all of that as long as you’re with me,” Shepard replied softly.  
  
“Always,” Garrus promised.  
  
She met his eyes.  “Garrus?  I don’t want to talk anymore.”  
  
“I can handle that.”  He stood, lifting her easily, and carried her the short distance to the bed.    
  
True to his promise, they didn’t speak any further, choosing instead to relearn each other with hands and mouths and skin.  After, while she curled warm and safe against him, he held her close and smiled.  
  
Shepard was home.


End file.
